Great Walks editor Brent McKean, describes going on a pilgrimage, even though that was never the plan.
"I've never walked an official Camino but I ended up having a pilgrimage without knowing it.
When I was 28 my best mate died of cancer. Robbie was a year older than me and we had been through a lot together. We travelled through Europe in a kombi van, partied in London and spent a bunch of summers on the Gold Coast. First we were travel buddies, then we were flatmates, then best friends.
When Robbie got lymphoma he went downhill quick. The last day I saw Robbie I sat on his bed talking to him. He was so high on morphine he hardly made sense. After a while I got up to go but he ushered me back and with all his effort raised his arm and shook my hand. We looked at each other and nothing needed to be said.
Three days later we buried Robbie next to his brother Bob who had also died of lymphoma a few years earlier. As we lowered the coffin, Robbie’s sister and only remaining family member, Annie, let out a wail of such deep pain that I will never forget.
During this time I had been planning a trip to Nepal to walk the Annapurna Circuit and even though I didn’t feel in the mood for an adventure I went. After several days in Kathmandu, I hit the trail but my emotional baggage weighed more than my pack. I couldn’t stop thinking about Robbie and I knew I still had a lot of grief to process.
Over the next few weeks I climbed higher and higher. The Himalayan views were spectacular and even though I knew I should feel so lucky to be in this special place my grief was fogging everything.
On the day I trekked up to the walk’s highest point, Thorong La (5416m) I knew I had to deal with this loss. I realised this 3-week walk had become more than a holiday, it had become a pilgrimage; a way to honour a friend and give myself time think about everything.
At the top of Thorong La the views go on forever. The surrounding peaks tower above you like silent sentinels guarding an ancient land. As I approached the top I saw a large stone cairn made by other trekkers who left rocks and prayers at the top of the world. I looked around for a lovely smooth rock and I found one that fitted into the palm of my hand.
I’m not religious so I just thanked Robbie for all the special memories he left with me. I placed the stone on the cairn, consciously leaving all my sadness and all my grief at the top of this cold, windy pass.
As I walked down the other side of the mountain, I remembered Robbie and I drinking sangrias with a bunch of mates in Barcelona and it brought a smile to my face. Love ya mate."